It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.