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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
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