It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out