he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
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after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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It was confusing and full of hummus
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .