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remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was confusing and full of hummus
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
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