Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
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At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format