Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
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At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.