His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.