Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.