Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
What's dad's email?