I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
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I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?