Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
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You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.