All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u