Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.