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she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
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