I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"