another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
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She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
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i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.