he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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