He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night