We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"