just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.