I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.