Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.