I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.