ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love