it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
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I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
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Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location