He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
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i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
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i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
32 of the Pettiest, Most Hilarious Reasons People Have Broken Up With Someone