you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."