I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.