I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.