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Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
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