1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious