tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If You LOL At These 18 Tweets, You’re Probably A Terrible Person
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If You’re One of These 12 Restaurant Customers, Your Server is Definitely Spitting in Your Food
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Good Food, Cheap Beer, and Hot Singles: the Top 13 Cities for Millennials