I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I spit up blood this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town