the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business