I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.