My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar