I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.