the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.