I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.