Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.