She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.