She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
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Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame