Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic