Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.