It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...