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I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
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