Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.