My cat gives me a boner
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is it because I queefed?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.