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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
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