Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.