I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
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his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I want her autograph on my taint