I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I want her autograph on my taint