Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.