We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"