I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV