I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
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yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet