the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps