i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Too much gin, very little bucket