fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar