just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
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I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
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we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.