i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy