just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating