We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
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Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen