Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dignity is for republicans.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska