do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
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I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.