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Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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